When I first had you, I thought I’d get you through childhood and adolescence unscathed, perfectly whole and extremely well adjusted. In other words, you wouldn’t need psychotherapy. I was wrong. My general philosophy about life is that we came here, to Earth, to learn lessons. I still believe this. It’s multiple lessons by the way (with perhaps a core), but you can’t just learn a lesson. There has to be a catalyst! You need THINGS…you need “stuff” to learn lessons. And perhaps not all lessons are unearthed by painful emotions but some are. Love and unconditional love are the most amazing teachers for sure but there are less liked teachers that are still damn good at what they do. Who am I to judge who is more effective and for which student and for which lesson being taught? I’m not qualified to speak on that. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’d rather us all learn every single lesson EVER from love and compassion and understanding but it seems that time isn’t right for that yet. They are still calling in sick some days and maybe just don’t even show up at all with no advanced notice. The show stills goes on though. I’ve learned many wonderful albeit painful lessons from rejection and sadness per se. Anxiety and depression are….bitches but man do they drive points home and make you study on the weekends. As your mother I want you to be happy all the time, trust me. I do. I’ll do anything (within reason) to make that happen. But this is the truth….I’m not perfect. I too have “stuff”. I acquired some “stuff” and I bet I came here with some “stuff” too. I’m working on it though and I’m showing up to every class every chance I get but some lessons are harder than others for me. Whatever I haven’t dealt with yet, you inherit…so, I’m sorry. That’s what happens, some stuff gets carried over to you. I hope you’ll forgive me (that’s a lesson by the way) with ease and remember that I did my best at any given moment with whatever I had at the time. I hope you’ll know that I never settled for “good enough”. I always strive to do better but know that I’m slow too. I’ve yet to pass the Instant Manifestation of Miracles Class. No, that’s not true….I had you. It’s the How to Make Shit Happen Super-duper Quick So Everything in Your Life is Perfectly Balanced and Wonderful Class that I haven’t passed yet. I have a feeling we might be taking that one together in about 20 years. I love you. That was never a class I had to take (and some people do, no judgement). My beautiful friend, Gina Califano, had told me that you children pick us because we will give you the RIGHT baggage of crap that you’ll need to work through in this life to get exactly the lessons you need. It sucks but it’s profound at the same time. Perfectly orchestrated by our Creator (who sometimes we damn to hell for all of this “stuff” we were given)! I plan on downloading as many lessons as I can inside of that magical brain and heart of yours to speed up the learning curve…If you’ll let me, that is. We might have to sign you up for the Stop Being Stubborn Class for <insert astrological sign here>. Jesus. Help me out sometimes, kid. But here’s the real things I want you to know besides I was wrong and you should forgive me in advance for messing you up…don’t ever stop signing up for your own classes. You are your life’s purpose. The mission is YOU and the unfolding of YOU. Keep learning about yourself through life’s experiences and people you’ll meet along the way. Never stop questioning and thinking and discovering things. Be a scientist of the self. Be a Jedi Master (I never watched Star Wars so …I don’t know if this is really the correct analogy, but it feels correct) of the self. Fulfill your dreams. Work hard. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Have fun. Life is short but good (just like your mom). Perhaps if I keep working on my “stuff” and you keep working on your “stuff”, I can have unscathed, and perfectly well-adjusted grandchildren, who won’t need psychotherapy at all. No pressure though. Love you!!!!
Love Mom xoxoxoxo